Last week we welcomed the gendarmerie to school for a productive and insightful visit. The discussion focused on how we can all work together – parents, school, and the gendarmerie – to ensure that children grow up safe, supported, and confident. One theme that came through strongly was the challenge every parent faces: finding the right balance between being strict and being relaxed.

To explore this further, we asked our sixth formers to share their thoughts anonymously on what makes a great parent.

 

Gaming

Student insights on balancing screen time and digital habits.

 

• “Make gaming as a reward of hard work. For example, after studying hard for 50 minutes, let them play games for 10 minutes.”
• “Setting boundaries for gaming is a must… gaming should be done moderately, as it’s very easy to get carried away and playing for a long time.”
• “The best way to balance screen time is by setting limits on either how many hours they can play without stopping or simply adding an objective (like reading for a set amount of time) before playing.”
• “I don’t think that gaming is bad, I would simply look at the kind of depictions within the games they play. And I would not allow them to have audio chat as people are known to be very hateful and explicit there.”
• “It’s not the gaming itself I am ever concerned about, it is the kind of things people say and the language used in the voice chats. It is extremely hateful and encourages young boys in particular to speak in a similar way to seem ‘cool’.”
• “Gaming is free time for students when students need to de-stress and relax but it isn’t good to be gaming for more than 3 hours a day.”

 

Sex & Relationships

Student insights on open communication and relationships.

 

• “Be open and honest. I think it makes it more awkward if you feel awkward… if your kids can tell you’re comfortable talking about this stuff it reduces the stigma around all of it and makes it more likely they would come to you with any issues.”
• “I found having a designated time to sit down alone to be kind of uncomfortable and made me want to just not listen and leave asap. I think letting it come up naturally is a good idea, maintaining neutral expressions with a lack of judgement.”
• “Knowing a lot is better than not knowing anything, so it is best to tell child everything about sex and relationships, and help them not screw up their lives.”
• “I honestly did not get much education other than the reproduction aspect. While I wouldn’t encourage too much discussion about pleasure, I would encourage education about protection and an emphasis on how personal these experiences are, but also what unhealthy relationships look like.”
• “I wished my parents told me more about relationships, and best way to communicate with teenagers is making sure that they feel comfortable speaking about things like this.” 

 

Drugs, Alcohol & Vaping

Student insights on peer pressure, risks, and parental trust.

 

• “I think it’s best to be blunt… something like this is almost impossible to prevent from the parental side of things because it almost always happens in social settings with people their own age.”
• “For drugs and vaping it should be very clear all the dangers and risks, but for me I always took the alcohol dangers less seriously because my parents drank casually. Most importantly I would practice what you preach.”
• “Situations of peer pressure look different from an outside perspective but young people place so much weight on how they’re perceived by peers. I would not tell them that it’s silly to care what others say because it’s not silly to them.”
• “Drugs, alcohol, vaping are banned for teenagers, so parents should be strict about it.”
• “The truth is, any teenager after the age of 14 will likely be given a moment to drink (not necessarily a lot) or vape somewhere out of the parents’ sight. It just leads to that point somehow. So once again, the main thing is trust.”

 

Phones

Student insights on screen time, social media, and necessity.

 

• “I can manage my own phone time without needing my parents talk to me about it.”
• “Phones should go away at meal times and before bed and parents should demonstrate how we can entertain ourselves off of our phones. It’s a bit hard to respect what someone is saying about screen use when they are just as, if not even more, addicted to social media.”
• “Don’t use the phone at the table, try to limit the reach of social media for certain ages. Limiting social media time never helps, but the best way to encourage healthy habits is by telling them the more time they watch social media the more they’ll spend doing homework or reading a book.”
• “Having a phone has become almost necessary even if that is bad. Out of all the teens I know the ones without phones, while they may be less addicted to screens, are consistently ostracised from social occasions simply because there is no way to reach them.”
• “I was given access to social media at the age of 13/late 12, and my parents clearly told me beforehand ‘be careful’, which gave me a warning to what I was going to come across. Nowadays, after a few years of access, I know what is right and what is wrong because I have experienced being able to talk to strangers online or see what happens when people text each other inappropriate things.”

School Work

Student insights on academic pressure, stress, and workload management.

 

• “Pressure just causes stress.”
• “Parents should comfort children and help when they have difficulties on homework and study, and never push the child to the limit. Too much pressure and insulting when child is not doing well will give negative impact on child’s mental health.”
• “If your kids are going through a time of lots of academic pressure I would lessen the expectations at home like chores. And also make sure they’re sleeping, staying up all night to study does more harm than good.”
• “Sometimes we do need to neglect other aspects for short times, like exam season it’s so hard to socialise, relax or do anything but study and sleep. So while I stress the importance of work-life balance there are sometimes when we do need to focus entirely on school and neglect our duties socially.”
• “Life is not only about homework but it should be done on time.”
• “It’s not about taking their electronics away or forcing them to study, but more of helping them make a schedule such as ‘when you get home, at 4:30pm, you have to find 2 hours to do homework, would you prefer that to be straight when you get home to get it out of the way, or a bit later in the evening?’”

General Parenting Advice

Overall guidance from students on building trust and communication.

 

• “Approaching your kids  in a friendly way rather than in a strict way… we always communicate, I’m always truthful and they are understanding.”
• “Not being too crazy. I don’t know how to put it, but when your child tells you something delicate try to maintain neutrality. I’m sure you panic internally but expressing your feelings in situations like this sometimes places an additional burden on your child and makes it less likely they’ll approach you in the future.”
• “Trust them with some things of yours, give them responsibility so the trust goes both ways instead of you holding all the dominance.”
• “Be more open, some parents are not fully open with their kids, this makes them hide things from their parents. You can’t be judgy about whatever the kids have to say but you can give opinion on it (good side and bad side).”
• “Preferably don’t force the child to ‘sit down’ and talk about an issue you have. It’s much easier to have a conversation in times where you are already together (such as dinner), and then gently guide the conversation to the serious issue you have with your child, all while keeping everything light.”
• “Overall, little things won’t make or break your child’s life as long as parents do the best they can and we do too in return, our relationships will be healthy.”

 

 

We were impressed by the maturity of these reflections, and we hope parents will find them a helpful insight into how young people view the role of parenting today.

A special thank you to our sixth form students who took the time to share their perspectives so honestly and thoughtfully. Your voices are invaluable in helping us all reflect on how to support young people better.

Together – parents, school, and the gendarmerie – we share the same goal: raising children who feel safe, respected, and ready to thrive.